Arrive Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    I thought it would be a nice idea to bring a date to my parents'
    house on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be interesting for a
    non-Italian girl to see how an Italian family spends the holidays.
    I thought my mother and by date would hit it off like partridges
    and pear trees.

    So, I was wrong.

    Sue me.

    I had only known Karen for three weeks when I extended the
    invitation. "I know these family things can be a little weird," I
    told her, "but my folks are great, and we always have a lot of fun
    on Christmas Eve."

    "Sounds fine to me," Karen said.

    I had only known by mother for 31 years when I told her I'd be
    bringing Karen with me. "She's a very nice girl and she's really
    looking forward to meeting all of you."

    "Sounds fine to me," my mother said.

    And that was that. Two telephone calls. Two sounds-fine-to-me's.
    What more...

    1. Stand perfectly still at the front window until someone on the street notices you. Quickly pull the blinds down, then, seconds later, peer around the blinds at them. Proceed until they a) Go away, or b) Call the police.
    2. Play the same CD on every stereo in the house at once. Try to synchronize them.
    3. SCARE YOUR PETS!!! Then cuddle them. THEN SCARE THEM AGAIN!!! Then cuddle them. Ahh, a nice, quiet cuddle-SCARE!!! No baby, it's okay... SCARE!!! If they run away, they'll be back, for food; make sure you're ready for action when they return.
    4. Sit on the front porch with a bottle of scotch. Yell abuse at pedestrians. Say nonsense. Wave your arms. Yell. For bonus points, colour a tooth black beforehand.
    5. Hide in the bushes near your mailbox and wait for the mailman to arrive. When he reaches for the mailbox, scream as loud as you can. If he tries again, scream again.
    6. Report a robbery to the police. When they arrive and ask what was stolen, reply "Only more...

    There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in-laws place.
    As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law: "When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy, etc. otherwise I'll have to shell out a lot for parties etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby."
    The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks: "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over."
    So he sends the message: " The clock has arrived, but the pendulum is missing".

    A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker. "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."
    Shortly thereafter, the passengers hear the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."

    At this point, one passenger become furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"

    1. Stand close to the speaker and yell your order, using colorful expletives in ways which would embarrass the patrons inside.
    2. Drive through backwards.
    3. Belch your order.
    4. After ordering, cover the speaker and mic with transparent tape. Watch as customers and order-takers are unable to hear each other and, thus, each raises his/her volume.
    5. Barter. Offer a Whopper for a Big Mac.
    6. Walk through.
    7. Speak a foreign language (make one up if you have to). When the manager comes to the mic, speak English and inquire as to why the order taker had such difficulty understanding you.
    8. Repeat everything the order-taker says.
    9. Attempt to take the order-takers order (”Hi, may I take your order? ”) before they get a chance to take yours.
    10. Order confusing items, i. e., “Hi, I’ll have a large orange Coke and a small medium fries, please”.
    11. In a crowded drive-thru line, place a HUGE order, then slip out of line and watch more...

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