Shave Jokes / Recent Jokes

How much for a haircut?
Barber: Fifteen dollars.
How much for a shave?
Barber: Ten dollars.
Shave my head then.

Mirror, mirror on the wall,
Should I really shave my balls?
If I don't - she'll surely bitch ~
Does she care how much I'll itch?

Take the razor and lather up,

Don't she care that I could slip?
Shave my balls ~ and cut off my dick?

Easy now ~ hands don't shake,
She'll call me "Stumpy" with one mistake,
Pubes in her teeth she really can't bear,
If I want some head ~ get ridda the hair.

So I shave my balls all nice and slick,
Did it up nice ~ without one nic!
"Feel' em baby ~ they're so smooth!"
"Take off your clothes - get in the groove!"

She looks at me from our little bed,
"I'm sleepy, Baby ~ ain't givin no head!"
She rolls on over ~ and gives me her back,
I'm so pissed off ~ I'm about to crack!

Next day ~ it's breakfast in the sheets,
I spoon her bites which she gladly eats,
And I must confess I think it's more...

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslim terrorists are so quick to
commit suicide. Let's see now...
No Christmas
No television
No cheerleaders
No baseball
No football
No hockey
No golf
No tailgate parties
No Wal-Mart
No Home Depot
No pork BBQ
No hot dogs
No burgers
No chocolate chip cookies
No lobster
No shellfish, or even frozen fish sticks
No gumbo
No jambalaya
No Beer
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next-door because he's sick and there are no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.
More than one wife.
You can't shave.
Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smellof donkey cooked over burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses
and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else.
She smells just like your donkey.
But your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they more...

A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you."

Everyone seems to be wondering why Muslims are so quick to commit
suicide.
Let's see now: No Jesus, No Wal-Mart, No Television, No Cheerleaders, No
baseball, No Football, No Basketball, No Hockey, No Golf, No Tailgate
Parties, No Home Depot.
No Pork BBQ, No Hot Dogs, No Burgers, No Lobster, No Shellfish, or even
frozen fish sticks, No Gumbo, No Jambalaya.
More than one wife.
Rags for clothes and towels for hats.
Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are
no doctors.
Constant wailing from the guy up in the tower.
No chocolate cookies. No Christmas.
You can't shave. Your wives can't shave.
You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey being cooked over
burning camel dung.
The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.
Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your donkey,
but your donkey has a better disposition.
Then they tell you that when you die more...

You know you're Italian when. . . .

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block.

All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50, 000 on your first communion.

You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:Your grandfather had a fig tree.You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.Your mom's meatballs are the best.You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.Plastic more...