Saturday Jokes / Recent Jokes

This Poor Innocent Guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage.

Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30-minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself during the more...

The US Postal Service may drop Saturday deliveries. This means you may have to wait until Monday to not get the mail you were expecting.

The young man was determined to win his girl that evening. "I have loved you more than you will ever know," he said.
"So I was right," she exclaimed, slapping him across the face. "You did take advantage of me last Saturday night when I was drunk!"

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath and young Sister Magdalene Edwards had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene Edwards was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had done.
"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily."I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.
"Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now," said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation more...

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Fr. John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday nightbath had gone.
"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."
"Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun.
"Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."
"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.
Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and more...

Two mexicans walk into a drug store (walgreens) and they are passing by the condoms section and one asked the other what this 6 pack of condoms was for and he says,"thats for us Mexicans" one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and never on sunday. He does the sign of the cross.Then there walking along again and then he sees an 8 pack and he asks him what that was for and he says thats for the black people " one for monday, one for tuesday, one for wednesday, one for thursday, one for friday, one for saturday, and twice on sunday.Then they walk along again and one mexican sees a 12 and aked what that was for and the mexican says thats for the white people one for january, one for february, one for march...

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and young nun, Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone."Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily. "I've been saved."Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?" asked the old nun "Well, when Fr. John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.""Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.Sister Magdalene continued, "And Fr. John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured of salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John more...