Santa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Santa mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride.
He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over.
This really bothers Santa so he asks him, "What's wrong with you?"
The reply is, "I got this in the war."
Santa finds this pretty disturbing so he switches seats.
The next guy he sits by has uncontrollable spastic twitches in his right leg, causing him to kick the seat in front of him, and even kicks Fred a few times.
So Santa asks him, "What is wrong with you?"
Again the answer is, "I got this in the war."
Santa moves. The next guy poor Santa sits by begins erratically flailing his left hand.
Santa says, "Let me guess, you got that in the war?"
His reply was, "No, I got it out of my nose. I can't get it off of my hand."

Santa on Trial
You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
Failing to equip your more...

Timmy, age 4 went to see Santa for the first time, and he asked
Santa for lots of toys. The next day, his mother and Timmy had
to go out and do some more shopping. They saw Santa again and
Timmy sat on Santas lap a second time.
When Santa asked Timmy what he wanted for Christmas, he said in a
questioning voice "But I told you what I wanted yesterday!?
Santa quickly covered himself by quickly saying that he thought
Timmy might have thought of something else to add to his list.
When they went out again a few days later, Timmy asked his mother
if Santa was going to be there. She promptly told him he would.
Timmy thought a bit then said "I thought of something else to add
to my list then."
"What is that? asked Mom.
"Why an elf, of course. replied Timmy.
"An elf? Whatever do you want an elf for? queried Mom.
"Why ask for toys when I can ask for elves, replied Timmy, more...

Q. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking
down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill.
Who gets it?
A. The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

'Twas the night before Chanukah, as it is said
And Santa was sitting and hocking his head
He had all the toys wrapped up nice in his zeckel
For maidlach and boys to give each one a peckel
The reindeer were saddled and ready to fly
Like a crew of brave astronauts all through the sky
But Santa was starving to eat a good meichel
Some regular food that would stick to his beichel
Not plum cakes or mincemeat or peppermint candy
But some kosher cooking he thought would be dandy
So he called to his reindeer, "Hey, kinder, let's go
To a Jewish balbusta and don't be so slow."
The house had no chimney, so he went through the door
And kissed the mezzuzah and jumped on the floor
Then the man of the house said, "Santa you devil
Come on, don't be shy and see our split level
The night is still early, there's plenty of zeit
So come in the den and please have a bite
If only we knew you were coming, more...

Santa Sahib & Banta Sahib have decided to refute the "Small Punjabi Penis" stereotype on their top live "Santa Banta" TV show! To this end, they seek to showcase Punjabi women with well-endowed partners. So both men are standing outside the exit of a ladies' toilet in New Delhi Big Bazaar. Discreetly, they ask every woman coming out about her partner's size & performance. Sadly, all report puny 3-5 inchers & none are pleased.
Finally, just before they give up, the most beautiful Punjabi lady they've seen in weeks comes out, wearing golden sandals & a skin-tight black churidaar shalwaar kameez which emphasizes her curvy buttocks, breasts & legs!
"Behenji (sister), this is a TV survey!" explains Santa. "How large is your husband's Lann (penis) & are you satisfied?"
"Oh yes!" she replies. "He's 12 inches long & I'm VERY happy!"
Overjoyed, they quickly invite her & her husband to their show.
more...

In A Medical College Practical Exam, During Viva, The Doctor Asked Santa:' Can You Give An Example Of An Amphibion?'
Santa Singh Replied:' A Frog'
Doctor:' Very Good. Can Give Another Example?' Asked The Doctor.
'Another Frog!' Answered Santa Singh.