Udayan's Jokes


Two Punjabi men, Santa Sahib & Banta Sahib, are visiting Madras. Desiring to buy condoms, they enter a medical store and approach the Tamilian shop-keeper.
"Oye! Santa, these chootiya (stupid) Madrasis don't know any Punjabi or Hindustani!" exclaims Banta in Punjabi just before they talk to the Tamilian. "So how will we tell him what we want?"
"Don't worry yaar! Sign language is a universal language! Just do as I do," replies Santa in Punjabi. With that, Santa pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. The South Indian shop-keeper is amused but remains silent. Banta then likewise pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. Grinning widely, the Tamil shop-keeper then pulls down his lungi and places his black penis onto the table, next to the genitals of the two Punjabi Sahibs.
The Dravidian laughs loudly as his one-foot long ebony more...

Sheikh Chilli returns to his favourite Delhi Mai-Khana (restaurant) after a long pilgrimage. Joining his dosts (friends) at the central Burra Mez (Big Table), he takes his favourite seat & then discovers three strange parallel grooves marked into the wood. One is situated two inches, the second three inches, & the third four inches from the edge of his side of the table. Puzzled, he asks his companions what these mean. But they become embarassed by his question & avoid answering him. Irritated, he decides to wait till the Kad-Banu (hostess) arrives.
"By Allah, my dear Kad-Banu," he asks her when she comes. "What is the meaning of these mysterious shinkas (grooves)?"
"Last week three Dravidian men were here," she explains. "And they measured the size of their Lunds (penises)."
"Ha!" Chilli exclaims. "Who said us Punjabi men have small Zubbs (pricks)? I am bigger than them!" With that, he lets down his pyjamas more...

Santa Sahib & Banta Sahib have decided to refute the "Small Punjabi Penis" stereotype on their top live "Santa Banta" TV show! To this end, they seek to showcase Punjabi women with well-endowed partners. So both men are standing outside the exit of a ladies' toilet in New Delhi Big Bazaar. Discreetly, they ask every woman coming out about her partner's size & performance. Sadly, all report puny 3-5 inchers & none are pleased.
Finally, just before they give up, the most beautiful Punjabi lady they've seen in weeks comes out, wearing golden sandals & a skin-tight black churidaar shalwaar kameez which emphasizes her curvy buttocks, breasts & legs!
"Behenji (sister), this is a TV survey!" explains Santa. "How large is your husband's Lann (penis) & are you satisfied?"
"Oh yes!" she replies. "He's 12 inches long & I'm VERY happy!"
Overjoyed, they quickly invite her & her husband to their show.

The 2 Miyans are working as teachers at Delhi Womens' College, both taking classes together. But the short & rotund Chota Miyan, who looks like a Bengali or Marathi, has become jealous of the tall & slender Burra Miyan, who looks like a Punjabi or Kashmiri & has become popular with the girls. So Chotoo lays out a plan to make them forget "Burroo" forever.
Finally, his day arrives. Both partners come to the class-room, which has about 100, mostly Punjabi & Oudhi, women.
"My Banus (girls), today we study male anatomy," Chotoo commences, opening his bag. He then takes out & holds up a specimen jar labelled "ARYAN MALE GENITALIA" which contains a small thumb-sized pink penis perched over 2 almond-sized testes. "This is what Punjabi Boys have," he states. "Maybe they remind you of your Yaar (lover), your Bhai (brother) or of Burroo !" Some girls giggle.
Next he takes out another jar labelled "DRAVIDIAN MALE more...

Mid-Wife: Sheikh Chilli, your Bibi (wife) just delivered a Bacha (child)!
Sheikh Chilli (smiling naughtily): Is the Londa (boy) healthy ?
Mid-Wife: Yes, he is indeed!
Sheikh Chilli (winking at Mid-Wife): I'm not surprised! Must be because my Lund (penis) is big & strong like a Cobra!
Mid-Wife (unimpressed): Well, doesn't look like your Punjabi Cobra is any bigger or stronger than those Dravidian King Cobras, because her Bacha is Kala (black)!