Safest Jokes / Recent Jokes
Every "hormone hostage" knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he
takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that
should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or male child.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Why are you so worked up?
SAFER: Could we be over-reacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?!?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
What is the safest way to see a shark?
On television.
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe.
Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice: The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one'sexposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
Wheres the safest place to hide money from a man? Under the soap
1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love, they produce double amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shiny and skin smooth.
2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes, and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow... better than Oil of O-Lay.
3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner.... and your falling off the' pastry wagon'.
4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special running shoes either!
5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases the body endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.
6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The more...
Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice:The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one'sexposure.One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers.Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.