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  • Funny Jokes

    A flight attendant friend of mine and her boyfriend had been playing a little
    game, where they would hide condoms in each other's pockets, briefcases,
    lunches etc., to have them revealed at unexpected times.
    One morning, shortly after taking off on a 3 hour flight, the flight
    attendant was asked for aspirin, by a man with a headache. Recalling the
    packet of aspirin she usually kept in her left pocket, she took it out,
    placed it on the man's fold out table, and turned to pour him a glass of water.
    When she turned around again, the man was staring, mouth open, at the
    packet before him. He managed to stammer "Sorry Miss, I really DO have a
    headache." On discovering her mistake, she turned several shades of red,
    and scurried off to hide in the crew cabin.
    Eventually, she had to resume her duties, and on each pass down the aisle,
    she got a wink and a smile from the man with the headache.

    An Indian chief had three wives, each of whom was pregnant. The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide. A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide. The third wife gave birth a few days later, but the chief kept the details a secret. He built this one a two story teepee, made out of a hippopotamus hide. The chief then challenged the tribe to guess what had occurred.Many tried, unsuccessfully. Finally, one young brave declared that the third wife had given birth to twin boys."Correct," said the chief. "How did you figure it out?"The warrior answered, "It's elementary. The value of the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides."

    1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when the aren't looking.
    2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
    3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
    4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares, and see what happens
    5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
    6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
    7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
    8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'.
    9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.
    10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
    11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly more...

    A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight."

    The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for wear, pours him a double of Southern Comfort.

    The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another one."

    The bartender pours the drink, but says, "Now, before I give you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me why you're so upset?"

    So, the man begins his tale. "Well, I was sitting in the bar next door, when this gorgeous blonde slinks in and actually sits beside me at the bar. I thought, "Wow, this has never happened before." You know, it was kind of a fantasy come true. Well, a couple of minutes later, the blonde leans over and asks if I'd like to come back to her hotel to have dinner and talk for a while. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I hadn't had a good more...

    Q: Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

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