Riots Jokes / Recent Jokes

Great Thinkers of Our Time? Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would liveforever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not liveforever."- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over theworld, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like thatbut not with all those flies and death and stuff."- Mariah Carey"Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the samereactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discoveredother similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."- Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his more...

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
... George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
... Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
... Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
... Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
... Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy -- but that could change."
... Governor more...

"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people" - Former U.S. Vice-President Dan Quayle
"They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off." - Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
"The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep." - Clinton aide George Stephanopolous speaking on Larry King Live
"We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees." - Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks
"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." - Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents
"When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." - Former U.S. President Calvin more...

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush
"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, more...

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
...George W. Bush"Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
...Governor George W. Bush"Welcome to Mrs. Bush, and my fellow astronauts."
...Governor George W. Bush"Mars is essentially in the same orbit...Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
...Governor George W. Bush, 8/11/94"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
...Governor George W. Bush, 9/15/95"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
...Governor George W. Bush, 5/22/98"One word sums up more...

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
-Al Gore
"Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
- Vice President Al Gore
"Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts."
-Vice President Al Gore
"Mars is essentially in the same orbit... Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, & water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe."
-Vice President Al Gore, 8/11/94
"The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century."
- Vice President Al Gore, 9/15/95
"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
-Vice President Al Gore, more...