Commitment Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A very popular local church was having a membership drive and three couples were being interviewed by the pastor. The pastor explained to them that in order to be accepted as members of the church, they would have to show their commitment to God by abstaining from sex for three weeks. He directed them to return in three weeks to meet with him, let him know whether or not they had honored this commitment, and he would make a decision on accepting them as members.
    Three weeks later, the pastor was talking with the three couples and asked the first couple, an elderly couple, how they did. The husband explained that they had abstained from sex for the three weeks, and the pastor welcomed them as new members of the congregation.
    The second couple, a middle-aged couple, explained that they had their urges but were able to abstain from sex for the three weeks. Again, the pastor welcomed the couple as new members of the congregation.
    Finally, the third couple, a newlywed couple, more...

    Having spent half the night discussing involvement vs. commitment (one of my favorite topics when I've had a couple of glasses of wine and am feeling particularly cranky) with my boyfriend, I was quite amused to see the following saying pop up when I logged in the next morning:
    Commitment, n.: Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

    Here it is nicely illustrated:
    Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:' 'Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
    And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
    And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I more...

    Having spent half the night discussing involvement vs. commitment (one of my favorite topics when I've had a couple of glasses of wine and am feeling particularly cranky) with my boyfriend, I was quite amused to see the following saying pop up when I logged in the next morning: Commitment, n.: Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

    The Difference...
    Women have more imagination than men do. They need it to tell us how wonderful we are.
    Women have their faults. Men have only two. Everything they say. Everything they do.
    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
    The Style...
    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
    When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.
    A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar item he wants.
    A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that she doesn't want.
    The Workplace...
    When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her opinions, she's a bitch.
    Women are the only exploited group in history who has been idealized into powerlessness.
    Relationships...
    Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs more...

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