Proportional Jokes / Recent Jokes

Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you more...

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
The book you spent $20. 95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.
The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.
The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.
The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to... to... uhh...
The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The chaos in the universe always increases.
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. For every action, there is equal and opposite criticism. He who hesitates is usually right. Never do card tricks with the group you play poker with. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Success is always done in private, and failure in full view. The colder the X-ray table, the more body is required on it. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach. To steal from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles. Two wrongs are only the beginning. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive. The problem with the gene pool is that there are no life-savers. Monday is the worst way to spend 1/7th of your life. more...

Hi, I've been studyinbg Engineering @ Coimbatore for a year now. This thesis is from my experiance.
These laws have been proven to be accurate during an experiment using 21 malayalee Engineering students of Tamil Nadu, India.
1) The amount of time taken to study for a paper is inversely proportional to the marks obtained in that paper.
2) The amount of notes distributed by a lecturer corresponds inversely to the actual knowledge of that person on the subject.
3) The lecturer is always wrong, the only exception being when the person is reading from a text.
4) At any point of time, the deadline to submit a paper always comes two days ahead of the required time.
5) No matter how long you stare at the monitor, the Mailbox will not load in your college lab system until your allocated time is over.
6) Your code will develop errors only when a faculty member is within 5 mts of your person.
7) The amount of internal marks granted to a student is more...

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your
nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly
proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy
signal.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you
had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in
will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone
rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone more...