Proportional Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Harrisberger’s Fourth Law of the Lab: Experience is directly proportional to the amount of equipment ruined.
    Hartley’s First Law: You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve got something.
    Hawaiian Rules Of J. W.: 1) Never judge a day by the weather. 2) The best things in life aren’t things. 3) Tell the truth; there’s less to remember. 4) Speak softly and wear a loud aloha shirt. 5) Goals are deceptive; the unaimed arrow never misses. 6) He who dies with the most toys, still dies. 7) Age is relative; when you’re over the hill, you pick up speed. There are two ways to be rich: make more or desire less. 9) Beauty is internal; looks mean nothing. 10) No rain, no rainbows.
    Heller’s Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.
    Hinds’ Law Of Computer Programming: 1) Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 2) If a program is useful, it will have to be changed. 3) If a program is useless, it will have to more...

    1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set

    2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
    3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
    4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
    5. 42. 7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
    6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
    7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
    8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
    9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges
    10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
    11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
    12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
    13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
    14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
    15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
    16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
    17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't more...

    What if Physicists wrote product disclaimers instead of lawyers?

    WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.

    WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.

    CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

    HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.

    CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "uncertainty principle," it is impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.

    ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but non-zero chance that, through a process more...

    The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. The workbench is always untidier than last time. The worse your line is tangled, the better is the fishing around you. The yoo-hoo you you-hew into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back. There are no rules around here. We`re trying to accomplish something. - Thomas Edison, remarking about his laboratory There are no winners in life... only survivors. There are only two forces that unite men, fear and self-interest... Napoleon There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid your kids to do it. There are two kinds of people who don`t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot. There are two rules for success in life: Rule 1 - Don`t tell people everything you know. There is nothing so small that it can`t be blown out of proportion.

    . ..and Law of Mechanical Repair
    After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

    ...and Law of Gravity
    Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

    ...and Law of Probability
    The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

    ...and Law of Random Numbers
    If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

    ...and Law of the Alibi
    If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

    ...and Variation Law
    If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

    ...and Law of the Bath
    When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

    ...and Law of Close Encounters
    The probability of more...

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