Directly Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...

    A true Southerner knows what "catywompus" means.
    A true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit"
    and a "conniption" and they don't "HAVE" them, they "PITCH" them.
    Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
    direction of "YONDER".
    A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in:
    "Going to town, be back directly."
    Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a
    request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
    little bowl on the middle of the table.
    All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
    They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
    A true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
    solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
    and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's more...

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
    6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
    8. People walk slower here.
    9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
    10. The first Southern expression to more...

    Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
    Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
    Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
    Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
    Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
    The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big more...

    Moses, Jesus, and another guy were out playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. It landed in the fairway but rolled directly toward a water trap. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side safe and sound.

    Next, Jesus strolls up to the tee and hits a nice long one directly toward the same water trap. It landed directly in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped it up onto the green.

    The third guy gets up and sort of randomly whacks the ball. It heads out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounces off a truck and hits a nearby tree. From there it bounces onto the roof of a nearby shack and rolls down into the gutter, down the downspout, out onto The fairway and right toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, it hits a little stone and bounces out over the water and onto a lily pad where it more...

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