"Are You A True Southerner?" joke

A true Southerner knows what "catywompus" means.
A true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit"
and a "conniption" and they don't "HAVE" them, they "PITCH" them.
Only a true Southerner can show or point out to you the general
direction of "YONDER".
A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is - as in:
"Going to town, be back directly."
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a
request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty
little bowl on the middle of the table.
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is.
They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
A true Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of
solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken
and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the neighbor's trouble is a
real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!).
True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right
near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "Just down the road"
can be 1 mile or 20.
A true Southerner both knows and understands the
difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing
turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A true Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a
verb, or an adverb.
A true Southerner knows that the term "booger" can be a
resident of the nose, a descriptive, as in "that ol' booger", or
that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you senseless.
True Southerners make friends while standing in lines. And
when we are "in line" we talk to everybody!
Put 100 true Southerners in a room and half of them will discover
they're related, even if only by marriage.
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits,
and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a
breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin .," you
know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and sweet milk".
Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like
our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.

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