Nearby Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    One Saturday morning, Glen decided to go fishing.
    He sat there for hours, but nothing. The bottle whiskey that he've took with him, was also empty. He throw the empty bottle into pieces against a nearby rock.
    All of a sudden, there was something on the hook. He pulled the fish out of the water. The only fish for the day so far. The fish was so small, Glen decided to throw it back.
    The little fish was so exited, to such an extend, that it decided to give Glen one wish.
    He asked the little fish for some more whiskey. The fish said, "Allright then, when you're urinating, it will be pure whiskey."
    So Glen sat there, and wonder, can this really be? Glen took a glass and urinate in it. It was pure, pure whiskey.
    A while later, a women, who was standing nearby, comes to him and asks, "sir are you allright? I saw you drinking your own piss.
    "No", said Glen, "it's whiskey."
    The women laughed. He urinate into the glass, and gave more...

    Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
    Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
    The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...

    The abbot of a nearby abbey was out in the nearby city running errands
    downtown when he saw a woman of questionable character say to a passerby,
    "Twenty bucks for a blowjob," at which point the passerby and the woman promptly
    went down the next alley, where they went out of view.
    The abbot was perplexed, for the very same thing occurred at another
    streetcorner in the city. He was walking down a sidewalk, when another woman,
    much the same as the first, stated to another passerby, "Twenty bucks for a
    blowjob," at which point the two rapidly went into a nearby alley, where
    the abbot couldn't see what was going on. Still not knowing what a "blowjob"
    was, the abbot left the city as naive as he was upon entering it.
    Back up the hill, the abbot was still contemplating what a blowjob was, so
    he went to see the mother superior at the adjacent convent. "Mother
    superior," he asked, "what's a more...

    Two boys are playing football in a vacant lot when one of the boys is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the first little boy rips a board off a nearby fence, wedges it down the dog`s collar, and twists, breaking the dog`s neck and killing him instantly.
    A reporter, who happens to be strolling nearby, sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "That was the most incredible act of bravery I`ve ever seen!" the reporter exclaims. He whips out his notebook and furiously scribbles the headline: "Young Bama Fan Saves Friend From Vicious Animal!"
    The little hero sees this and says, "But sir, I`m not a Bama Fan, I`m an Auburn Fan!"
    The reporter looks warily at the boy for a moment, then flips the page and begins a new headline: "Little Redneck Kills Beloved Family Pet"

    At Burger King an elderly couple ordered one burger, one order of fries and one coke with two glasses.

    When they got to their booth, the man placed a napkin in front of himself and one in front of his wife, then proceeded to divide the fries, cut the burger in half and divided the coke equally.

    A gentleman nearby noticed and offered to buy them another burger, fries and Coke.

    The woman then said, "No you don't understand. We've been married over 50 years and all our life we agreed to split everything right down the middle."

    Her husband then began eating, as she sat with her hands in her lap.

    The gentleman nearby noticed and asked the lady why she wasn't eating.

    She replied, "As I said before, we split everything right down the middle, and it's his day to use the teeth first."

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