Parenting Jokes / Recent Jokes

My son, Mike, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been displayed for all to see.
One morning while getting ready for the day, Mike bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: “G”-”O”-”D”
“Look what I spelled, Mom! ” Mike exclaimed, a proud smile on his face.
“That’s wonderful! ” I praised him. “Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight. ” That Christian education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily.
Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. “Mom? How do you spell ‘zilla? ’”

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. The he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved. ”
“Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you? ” his mother asked.
“Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it. ”

While watching my six-year-old daughter play with her cars and trucks, I prided myself on having raised her to play outside the confines of gender restrictions that had always frustrated me as a child. Beaming, I asked her about her game.
“Well, ” she answered innocently, “the big truck is the daddy, this car is the mommy, and the little car is the baby. ”

When a little girl named Amanda was very young, she was allowed to have her best friend, a boy named Kevin, over to spend the night. As the children grew toward adolescence, their parents knew that someday the sleepovers would have to end.
One night, when Kevin and his family were visiting, everyone gathered around the television to watch the Miss America pageant. When Amanda asked if Kevin could stay over, the parents hesitated, wondering if the time had finally come to end the tradition.
At that moment, the pageant host announced a contestant’s measurements: 36-22-36.
“Kevin, ” his mom asked, “what are those numbers? ”
The boy thought for only a moment before answering, “Ninety-four? ”
Kevin got to spend the night.

A woman brought her 4-month-old baby to visit her neighbor. The baby began to fuss soon after they arrived.
The 5-year-old son of the neighbor she visited said, “Where did you get him? ”
“He was sent from Heaven, ” the mother replied.
As the infant continued to cry and yell, the little boy said, “I bet I know why he was sent from Heaven. God wanted it quiet up there! ”

Seeing her two sons fighting over the last piece of pizza the mother said,
“You boys should be acting more like Jesus, if He were here He would give His brother the last piece”
The older brother looked at his younger sibling and said,
“Marty, you be Jesus”

My wife told our 5 year old to put on clean underwear everyday, and he did just as he was told.
At the end of the week, he had on 7 pairs.