Old People Jokes / Recent Jokes

While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurantfor lunch. The old woman unfortunately left her glasses on the table, but didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around.The old man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, telling his wife she needs to be more responsible about her
belongings.When they finally arrived, as the old woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses the old man said, "While you're in there, you may as well get my hat, too."

Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob
suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.Says Jacob:' We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?' Pharmacist:' Of course we do.'Jacob:' How about medicine for circulation?'
Pharmacist:' All kinds.'Jacob:' Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?' Pharmacist:' Definitely.'Jacob:' How about Viagra?' Pharmacist:' Of course.'Jacob:' Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'Pharmacist:' Yes, a large variety. The works.'Jacob:' What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?' Pharmacist:' Absolutely.'Jacob:' You sell wheelchairs and walkers?' Pharmacist:' All speeds and sizes.'Jacob says to the pharmacist:' We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Three little old ladies are sitting in a restaurant one day, talking about this and that. The first lady said, "You know, I'm really getting forgetful. This morning I was
standing at the bottom of the stairs and I couldn't remember if I was just about to go up or if I had just come down.""Oh, that's nothing," the second lady said. "The other day I was sitting on the edge of my bed, wondering if I was going to bed or if I had just gotten up."The third lady smiled pleasantly at the other two. "Well, my memory is just as good as ever, knock on wood."She rapped on the table with her knuckles, then gave a start and said, "Who's there?"

Two senior ladies met for the first time since graduating from high school. One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school--how did you manage
to live a well-planned life?" "Well," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a
preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker." Asked the friend, "What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?" "One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready and four to go!"

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, mainly due to her interest in health food and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi.As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven."Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth.The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?"Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free."Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out."How much to eat?" asked the old man."Don't you more...

An elderly lady from a remote little town went to one of Philadelphia's most fashionable suburbs to visit her niece
and husband. Nearby was a very well known golf course.On the second afternoon of her visit, the elderly lady went for a stroll. Upon her return, the young niece asked, "Well, Auntie, did you enjoy yourself?""Oh, yes, indeed," said Auntie, beaming. "Before I had walked very far, I came to some beautiful rolling fields.
There seemed to be a number of people about, mostly men. Some of them kept shouting at me in a very eccentric manner, but I took no notice. There were four men who followed me
for some time, uttering curious excited barking sounds. Naturally, I ignored them, too. Oh, by the way," she added, as she held out her hands, "I found a number of these
curious little round white balls, so I picked them all up and brought them home hoping you could explain what they're all about."

Three old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the first old man, "What is three times three?""274" was his reply.The doctor worriedly says to the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three?""Tuesday" replies the second man.The doctor sadly says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times
three"?"Nine" says the third man."That's great!" exclaims the doctor. "How did you get that"?"Jeez, Doc, it's pretty simple," says the third man. "I just subtracted 274 from Tuesday."