Nowhere Jokes / Recent Jokes

Nowhere, Vermont
Sam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.
After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come."
"Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."
As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."
Again, as he starts to leave, more...

Nowhere, VermontSam had been in the hectic newspaper business for twenty-five years when he decided that he was sick of the stress and quit his job. He bought 50 acres of land in the middle of Nowhere, Vermont. His place was so isolated that the postman came only once a week and he went to the grocery store only once a month.After six months of near total isolation, he hears a knock on the door. He opens the door and a big bearded Vermonter is standing there. He says, "Names Enoch...your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. Having a party Saturday...thought you'd like to come.""Great," replies Sam. "After six months of living like this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for inviting me."As Enoch is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you, though, there's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of them."Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. "More 'n more...

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 French men and 1 French woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman 2 Russian men and 1 Russian woman One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere. ..
The 1st Italian man has killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois". ..
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman, and she is waiting more...

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the
following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere
...
1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a
"menage a trois."
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate
with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the
English woman.
The Bulgarian men took one look at the more...

There is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere...
The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a menage a trois
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman
The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and more...

A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim were having a discussion about who was the most religious.
"I was riding my camel in the middle of the Sahara," exclaimed the Muslim. Suddenly a fierce sandstorm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as I lay next to my camel while we being buried deeper and deeper under the sand. But I did not lose my faith in the Almighty Allah, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for a hundred metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a devout Muslim and am now learning to recite the Koran by memory."
"One day while fishing," started the Christian," I was in my little dinghy in the middle of the ocean. Suddenly a fierce storm appeared from nowhere. I truly thought my end had come as my little dinghy was tossed up and down in the rough ocean. But I did not lose my faith in Jesus Christ, I prayed and prayed and suddenly, for 300 metres all around me, the storm had stopped. Since that day I am a more...

You know them... those waiters/waitresses who turn obsequiousness into
a weapon, whose solicitous inquiries are perfectly timed to destroy
your jokes and intimate moments... something like this:
YOU:... so, finally, the third farmer turns to the bartender and
says, "Hey, that's not a duck, that's-"
[Waiter appears out of nowhere]
WAITER: How is everything? [beams smugly]
YOU: Fine. So he says, "Hey, that's not a duck, that's a-"
WAITER: Can I get you anything else to drink? [All the glasses are full]
YOU: No, no. Anyway, "That's not a duck, that's a-"
WAITER: [to your companion] And for you, madam?
HER: Hmm? Oh, let me see...
[You give up; the waiter returns to the kitchen triumphantly]
Later...
YOU:... and the doctor looked at the X-ray yesterday and told me
that if I didn't have the operation, eventually it would
get so big that they'd have to cut off my-
[Waiter materializes from thin more...