Impressed Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the
    young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.
    At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwin...g the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow.
    Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a rag, his eyes closed, dead and vultures circling overhead.
    The farmer runs out, looks down at the young roosters limp body and says: "You deserved it, you horny bastard!"
    And the young rooster opens one eye, points up at the vultures with his wing, and says, Shhhh!,they are about to land."

    The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

    The Indian Chief proclaims,

    "So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

    "Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"

    The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

    The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

    The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"

    The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

    Silver is brought more...

    Speaking of travels, I heard that when Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with their rockets. Now, these weren't quite the fireworks we now know, but they did shoot into the air, explode and make some pretty patterns. Strangely, no matter where he went, there were people who made fireworks, but he had trouble finding someone to demonstrate them for him. "Not here!" they said. It was very confusing. Until ol' Marc came upon an ancient military fortification at the community of Chu'Lai. Here, fireworks were launched every night, and Marc was very impressed! But still he wondered, "Why here?" At the end of every week, people came from great distances, bringing their own fireworks to launch. So Marco Polo asked his guide why everyone came here to launch their fireworks. Marc's guide replied, "Why honored sir, we always set off fireworks on the Forts of Chu'Lai."

    A Russian, a Cuban, an American and a Lawyer are in a train.

    The Russian takes a bottle of the Best Vodka out of his pack; pours some into a glass, drinks it, and says: "In USSR, we have the best vodka of the world, nowhere in the world you can find Vodka as good as the one we produce in Ukrainia. And we have so much of it, that we can just throw it away..." Saying that, he opens the window and throws the rest of the bottle thru it. All the others are quite impressed.

    The Cuban takes out a pack of Havanas, takes one of them, lights it and begins to smoke it saying: "In Cuba, we have the best cigars of the world: Havanas. Nowhere in the world there is so many and so good cigare and we have so much of them, that we can just throw them away...". Saying that, he throws the pack of havanas thru the window. One more time, everybody is quite impressed.

    At this time, the American just stands up, opens the window, and throws the Lawyer more...

    Four major executives from various countries are playing golf together. On the second tee they hear a phone ring.The Canadian executive reaches into his bag and pulls out a cellular phone. "O.K. buy 100 shares," the Canadian tells the other person on the phone. Then he looks at the others and says, "I'm such an important person, that I have to make sure my employees can reach me at any time. Therefore I carry a cell phone everywhere."On the next tee, they hear the sound of another phone. All of a sudden, the American puts his finger to his mouth and his thumb to his hear and begins talking. When he gets off the line he tells the others, "I'm so important that I had my company install a microphone in my index finger and a speaker in my thumb. That way, I don't have to worry about carrying a cellular telephone." The people are very impressed and move on down the fairway.On the green, they hear another phone ring. The German stands up tall and says, more...

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