Neighbour Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Irish guy was digging a hole in his front lawn, when his neighbour walks by and says, "Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?"
"Digging a hole," said Patrick.
"What's wrong with the hole next to it?" said his neighbour.
"That one wasn't deep enough," said Patrick.

Once there was a beautiful woman who loved to work in her vegetable garden, but no matter what she did, she couldn't get her tomatoes to ripen.

Admiring her neighbour's garden, which had beautiful bright red tomatoes, she went one day and enquired of him his secret.

"It's really quite simple," the old man explained. "Twice each day, in the morning and in the evening, I expose myself in front of the tomatoes and they turn red with embarrassment."

Desperate for the perfect garden, she tried his advice and proceeded to expose herself to her plants twice daily.

Two weeks passed and her neighbour stopped by to check her progress. "So", he asked, "Any luck with your tomatoes?"

"No", she replied excitedly, "But you should see the size of my cucumbers!"

A barber's neighbour frequently went to his shop, wished him, and inquired about the time it would take for his turn to come and walk'away. After this ritual went on for some time the barber grew suspicious and followed his neighbour. Tie gentleman was found in barber's house with his better half literally following the commandment "love thy neighbour".

Wee Hughie was in the garden filling in a hole when his English neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the mad man was up to, he politely asked, `What are you doing there, Hughie?` `My goldfish died,` replied Wee Hughie tearfully without looking up, `and I`ve just buried him.` The English neighbour was very concerned. `That`s an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn`t it?` Wee Hughie patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, `That`s because he`s inside your cat.`

Young couple moved into a new house. The wife was attractive but aloof. Being unable to hold out any longer, the eager neighbour once spotted her hanging her washing, and said "Behenji, your cow has eaten up my marigolds."
"That can't be true," protested the pretty neighbour. "We don't have a cow."
"I don't have marigolds either," replied the smart aleck, "but I don't like so much distance between neighbours."

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark.' Hello, Jenny,' said the neighbour.' Isn't it time for little girls to be in bed?'' How would I know?' asked Jenny.' I haven't got any little girls.'

A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he
said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do
you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such
animal."
Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he
pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me,
never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in
America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten
times."
"Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for
just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all
his lies."