Modest Jokes / Recent Jokes

A medical mystery.

A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. -- Tom Waits

A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel.

A mind like wet tennis shoes... Makes squishy noises when running.

A modest little person, with much to be modest about. -- Churchill

A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes.

A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body.

A notch off the timing mark.

A one-bit brain with a parity error.

A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits.

A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.

A prime candidate for natural deselection.

A quart low.

A return with no gosub.

A room temperature IQ.

The modest man is in the hospital for a series of test. One of the lasttest has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to thebathroom he decided the latest was another. He completely filled his bedup with human waste and was embarrased beyond anything he could possiblyface. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bedsheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking bythe hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussingand swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard.The security guard ask:"What's going on?" To which the drunk replied: "I just beat the shit outof a ghost."

The modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" embroidered on her panties and bra. "Yes Madame," said the clerk. "I'm quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?" "Braille," she replied.

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made
the Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls".
It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her
to report for work on Monday and then explained she would be stationed
on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.
Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut
it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the
line to find the problem.
The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a
bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing
little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on
the dolls.
When the boss could control his laughter he said, "Lady, I said to
give each doll two test-tickles".

A medical mystery. A mental midget with the IQ of a fencepost. - Tom Waits A mind as empty as the sleeping pill concession at a honeymoon hotel. A mind like wet tennis shoes... Makes squishy noises when running. A modest little person, with much to be modest about. - Churchill A natural talent for finding subliminal messages in ice cubes. A Neanderthal brain in a Cro-Magnon body. A notch off the timing mark. A one-bit brain with a parity error. A pacifist out of necessity in a battle of wits. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on. A prime candidate for natural deselection. A quart low. A return with no gosub. A room temperature IQ. A semitone flat on the high notes. A square with only three sides. A steering wheel / few bolts short of a Yugo. A teapot with a cracked lid. A titanic intellect... In a world full of icebergs. A vacuum-tube brain in a microchip world. A VGA card and a Herc monitor. A victim of retroactive birth control. A violin minus the bow. A walking more...

A very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle me Elmo dolls". It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her that she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes. On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed that she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls. The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two-Test-Tickles."