Nine Jokes

On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fourth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fifth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, more...

An old woman was arrested for shoplifting at a grocery store.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked what she had taken.
The lady replied, "A can of peaches."
The judge then asked why she had done it.
She replied, "I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store."
The judge asked how many peaches were in the can.
She replied, "Nine."
The judge said, "Well then, I'm going to give you nine days in jail-one day for each peach."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the lady's husband raised his hand and asked if he might speak.
The judge said, "Yes, what do you have to add?"
The husband said, "Your honor, she also stole a can of peas."

Q: Why is number six afraid?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)

Q: How do you know when a motorcycle policeman is happy?
A: He has bugs on his teeth!

Q: What did zero say to eight?
A: Nice belt.
(The 8 looks like a 0 with a belt around its waist.)

Q: What did number 1 say to 7?
A: Nice hair

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a frontal lobotomy.
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, two cases of Prozac.
On the third day of Christmas my true love gave to me, three stays at the
"hospital".
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, four group sessions.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five self help books.
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, six restraining orders.
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, seven counts of
harassment.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eight cries for help.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine attempts to escape.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, ten ripped off
fingernails.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me, eleven body pieces.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love more...

THE COLONEL TO THE EXECUTIVE: At nine o'clock tomorrow there, will be an eclipse of the sun, something which does not occur every day. Get the men to fall out in the company street in their fatigues so that they will be able to see this rare phenomenon. Should it rain we will not be able to see anything, so take the men to the gym.
THE EXECUTIVE TO THE CAPTAIN: By order of the Colonel, tomorrow at nine o'clock, there will be an eclipse of the Sun; if it rains, you will not be able to see it from the company street, so then, take the men in fatigues to the gym. The eclipse of the Sun will take place in the gym, something that does not occur every day.
THE CAPTAIN TO THE LIEUTENANT: By order of the Colonel in fatigues tomorrow at nine o'clock in the morning the inauguration of the eclipse of the sun will take place in the gym. The Colonel will give the order if it should rain, something which occurs every day.
THE LIEUTENANT TO THE SERGEANT: Tomorrow at nine o'clock the more...