Capital Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Physics Puzzle... Nice one - try to crack it. ....
    Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers. One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years, tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.
    Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.
    The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived.
    The judge decided to set him free, and the conductor returned to his profession. After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time more...

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING DUTCH
    1. You can get arrested for growing plants, but not for smoking them.
    2. You can make jokes about the Belgians and still drink their beer.
    3. a. You can legally kill yourself
    3. b. You can legally be killed
    4. You're exactly like the Germans, without an uneery sense of guilt.
    5. You think you are a world power, but everyone else thinks
    Copenhagen is your capital.....
    6. You get to insult people and defend yourself by saying it's a national tradition.
    7. You can put your finger in a dyke and it will save your country
    8. You live in the most densely populated country in Europe, and still you've never seen your neighbours.
    9. If the economy is bad, blame the Germans. If a war is started, blame the Germans. If you lose your bike, blame the Germans.
    10. Bikes are public property. Locks are a challenge.

    TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING BELGIAN
    1. You get to speak three languages, but none of more...

    1950:
    A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price. What is his profit?

    1960 (traditional math):
    A lumberjack sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of this price, or in other words $80. What is his profit?

    1970 (new math):
    A lumberjack exchanges a set L of lumber for a set M of money. The cardinality of set M is 100, and each element is worth $1. Make 100 dots representing the elements of set M. The set C is a subset of set M, of cardinality 80. What is the cardinality of the set P of profits, if P is the difference set MC?

    1980 (equal opportunity math):
    A lumberjack sells a truckload of wood for $100. His or her cost of production is $80, and his or her profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

    1990 (outcome based education):
    By cutting down beautiful forest trees, a lumberperson makes $20. What do you think of his way of more...

    Why did the chicken cross the road? KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side. PLATO: For the greater good of man. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: I forget. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using more...

    ANDERSEN CONSULTING;
    Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to more...

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