Menu Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    DURING British Raj an English Colonel Commander of an Army Cantt in Madras joined a dinner hosted by the Jawans to celebrate a local festival. The menu was typically Madrasi.
    Next morning at breakfast he commented to his wife, "Today I have discovered why the bloody Indians use water in lavatory; toilet paper could catch fire."

    Bill Clinton and Al Gore went into a local diner for lunch. As they read the menu, the waitress came over and asked Clinton, "Are you ready to order, sir?"
    Clinton replies, "Yes, I'd like a quickie."
    "A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "Sir, given the current situation of your personal life, I don't believe that's a good idea. I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the MENU."
    She walks away.
    Gore leans over to Clinton and says, "Sir, it's pronounced 'Quiche'…"

    Mary Poppins was travelling home but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly madam", he replied courteously.

    "Is the restaurant open still?" enquired Mary. "Sorry, no", came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from this menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and perused it.

    "Hmm, I would like hmmm cauliflower cheese please", said Mary. "Certainly madam", he replied. "And can I have breakfast in bed?"asked Mary politely. The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of eggs please...poached", Mary mused.

    After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went up to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully and next morning Mary came down early to check out. The same guy was still on more...

    What a Chinese Restaurant Menu might sound like. SUC MI PUGODA
    6969 Fellatio Blvd.
    Escondildo, CA 12698
    A LA CARTE DINNER COMBINATIONS $2. 69 each Includes Smeg Roll and Fortune Nookie Cum Drop Soup 1. Goo In Hand..............$9. 69 Fresh every 2. 7 days For those dining alone Pee Yu Platter 2. Goo Wee Chick............$6. 99 Clothes pins extra Sloppy seconds no extra charge Hoo Flung Poo 3. Cum Too Soon..............$6. 99 Napkins and raincoats provided Order early, these go fast Suc Sum Tit 4. Suc Mi Wang..............$6. 99 Children's Special Traditional Chinese Meatloaf Yung Poon Tang 5. Sum Dum Chick............$4. 69 No take out orders You get what you pay for LUNCHEON SPECIALS 6. Fuc Mei Slo..............$6. 69 Not available after 10: 00 PM Sum Yung Chick........$6. 99 7. Lik Mi Clit..............$6. 99 Different and Delicious A Lip Smacking Oriental Delicacy Won Hung Lo...........$6. 99 8. Cho Kon It...............$9. 99 Not more...

    These are stories from help desks around the country.

    At 3: 37 a. m. on a Sunday, I had just looked at the clock to determine my annoyance level, when I received a frantic phone call from a new user of a Macintosh Plus. She had gotten her entire family out of the house and was calling from her neighbor's. She had just received her first system error and interpreted the picture of the bomb on the screen as a warning that the computer was going to blow up.


    Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
    Customer: "Ok."
    Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
    Customer: "No."
    Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
    Customer: "Sure, you told me to write' click' and I more...

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