Ready Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Once there was a farmer who sired four daughters. After they reached
    puberty, he fretted for their virtue and always answered the door with a
    loaded shotgun in his hands.
    One night he answered a knock at the door to find a young man standing at
    his threshold. The young man said:
    "My name is Freddie
    I've come to pick up Betty.
    We're going out for spaghetti.
    I hope she's ready."
    The farmer thought the lad's introduction intelligent and witty, so he let
    his daughter go out with the fellow.
    A few minutes later, another knock was heard. Upon answering, the farmer
    encountered a second youth who said:
    "My name's Vance.
    I've come for Nance.
    We're going to a dance.
    Is she ready by chance?"
    Again the farmer though the introduction and the young lad to be
    acceptible, so he allowed his second daughter to go out.
    Within a short time, a third knock was heard and yet another young man
    was standing on more...

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
    He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
    One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
    His wife, irritated by her husbands lack of discretion shouts back...
    "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!"

    It is the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Carrie.

    He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, Carries father answers and invites him in.

    'Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?' her dad said.

    'That's cool', says Bobby.

    Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

    Carrie's father responds' why don't you two go somewhere and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it.'

    Bobby, is not quite sure he heard correctly, so he asks Carries dad to repeat what was just said.

    'Yeah', her dad says,' Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'

    Well, this certainly made Bobby's emotions light up. Now he's REALLY looking forward to the evening.

    A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces more...

    Preparation for parenthood is not just a matter of reading books and decorating the nursery. Here are 12 simple tests for expectant parents to take to prepare themselves for the real-life experience of being a mother or father. 1. Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front. Leave it there for 9 months. After 9 months, takeout 10% of the beans. Men: to prepare for paternity, go to the local chemist, tip the contents of your wallet on the counter, and tell thepharmacist to help himself. Then go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office. Go home. Pick up thepaper. Read it for the last time. 2. Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack ofpatience, appallingly low tolerance levels, and how they have allowed their children to run riot. Suggest ways in which they might improve theirchild's sleeping habits, more...

    Ok there were three girls a blonde, burnet, and a red head.They all escaped from jail.Finnaly the police caught them.The police had all of them cornered on a wall.The policeman says ready aim and the burnet says volcano, all the policeman looked back and she got away.Once again the policeman says ready aim and the red head says earthquake all the policeman look back and she gets away, the policeman one more time says ready aim and the blonde says fire!!!

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