Media Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night. The waiter comes and takes their drink order.
"I would like a Sprite," said the first little piggie. "I would like a Coke," said the second little piggie. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.
The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.
"I want a nice big steak," said the first piggie. "I would like the salad plate," said the second piggie. "I want water, lots and lots of water," said the third little piggie.
The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.
"I want a banana split," said the first piggie. "I want a root beer float," said the second piggie. "I want water, lots and lots of water," exclaimed the third little piggie.
"Pardon me for asking," said the waiter, "but more...
A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.
The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"
The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!"
The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn't write articles about more...
There were these three models going by air to a photo shoot, Elle Mcpherson, Cindy Crawford, and Naomi Campbell.
Halfway through the flight the plane had engine trouble, the pilot warned the girls to assume the crash position, just in case they went down.
Elle put on more make-up saying, "They always rescued the beautiful ones first".
Cindy donned her jewelery claiming, "They would rescue the richest one first", upon which Naomi, threw off all her clothes, pressing herself against the window saying "You're both wrong, the first thing they look for is the Black Box"!
Bart Simpson's Chalkboard Archive
I will not carve gods.
I will not spank others.
I will not aim for the head.
I will not barf unless I'm sick.
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
I will not conduct my own fire drills.
Funny noises are not funny.
I will not snap bras.
I will not fake seizures.
This punishment is not boring and pointless.
My name is not Dr. Death.
I will not defame New Orleans.
I will not prescribe medication.
I will not bury the new kid.
I will not teach others to fly.
I will not bring sheep to class.
A burp is not an answer.
Teacher is not a leper.
Coffee is not for kids.
I will not eat things for money.
I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
I will not call the principal "spud head".
Goldfish don't bounce.
Mud is not one of the 4 food more...
Due to the merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes:
Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence.
The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"
The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.
Reporter: Governor Clinton, what damage do you think has been done to your campaign by your wife`s comment the other day about how "Hitler was really a great guy"?
Clinton: (Mixture of sadness and anger, but articulate as always.) Hillary and myself are shocked, outraged, and deeply saddened by this terrible misunderstanding. The media hype is way out of proportion. You guys should know us by now--we would never say anything like that. And though she did say a few things about Germany she certainly didn`t mean anything offensive by her remarks, which I might add have been willfully and shamefully taken out of context and distorted. There is nothing in my life, or Hillary`s life, which can be construed as derogatory toward the German people. We honor them. Some of our best friends are Germans. My own grandmother was one-quarter German. And it certainly isn`t true that Germans are excluded from our country club. In my eleven years as Governor of Arkansas I was more...