Media Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.
    "My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
    The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!
    Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.
    "My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, " says Little Red Riding Hood.
    Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!
    About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.
    "My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
    With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?
    I'm trying to take a shit!"

    Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?".
    Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

    Martha Stewart vs Me...
    Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
    My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway.
    Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time.
    My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag.
    Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes.
    My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
    Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
    My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
    Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh more...

    Andy Rooney Quotes:
    Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
    I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
    I am in shape. Round's a shape!
    Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
    Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster is a maniac.
    The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
    Future historians will be able to study at the Gerald Ford Library; the Jimmy Carter Library; the Ronald Reagan Library and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

    A reporter goes way up into the hills of West Virginia to write an article about the area. He meets an old man in a small town and asks him about any memorable events in his life.
    The old man says, "Well, one time my favorite sheep got lost, so me and my neighbors got some moonshine and went looking for it. We looked and looked and finally found the sheep. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the sheep. It was a lot of fun!"
    The reporter figured he can't write an article about that, so he asked the old man to tell him another story.
    The old man said, "Well, one time my neighbor's wife got lost, so me and all the village men got some moonshine and went out looking for her. We looked and looked and finally we found her. Then we drank the moonshine and one by one, started shagging the neighbor's wife. Now, THAT was a lot of fun!"
    The reporter, feeling frustrated, finally told the old man that he couldn't write articles about more...

  • Recent Activity