Marx Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was
    told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to
    Communist Hell.
    Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to
    Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored.
    "What's it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In
    Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a
    rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small
    pieces with sharp knives."
    "That's terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I'm going to check out Communist
    Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line
    of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven
    times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through
    to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people
    in. Dave asked Karl more...

    The grave of Karl Marx is just another communist plot.

    Famous Peoples' Conjectures
    On Why the Chicken Crossed the Road
    Walt Whitman: To cluck the song of itself.
    Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
    John Paul Jones: It has not yet begun to cross!
    Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
    Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
    Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp. What chicken?
    Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?
    William Shakespeare: I don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
    hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
    Thomas Paine: Out of common sense.
    TS Eliot: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
    Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an
    uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we
    needed the eggs.
    Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
    Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
    Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee transporter more...

    The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open. - Groucho Marx
    We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife. - Groucho Marx
    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
    Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does. - Groucho Marx
    Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. - Jackie Mason
    Perfection is what American women expect to find in their husbands... but English women only hope to find in their butlers. - W. Somerset Maugham
    There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt McGavran
    Marriage was all a woman's idea and for man's acceptance of the pretty yoke, it becomes us to be grateful. - Phyllis McGinley
    Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they more...

    This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...

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