Marx Jokes / Recent Jokes

Girls, allegedly so timorous and lacking in confidence, now outnumber boys in student government, in honor societies, on school newspapers, and even in debating clubs.
- Christina Hoff Sommers, The War Against Boys
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"Women should be obscene and not heard."
- Groucho Marx
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A woman phoned the dry cleaners saying that the designer label was missing from her dress's neckband. Assuring her that they would look for it, the owner spent the whole afternoon searching the shop. Finally, he found the label in a trash bin. He cleaned and pressed it, and dropped it off at the customer's home. "Oh, thank you," she gushed. "I'm having a garage sale tomorrow and I can always charge a few dollars more for a dress with a label on it."
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"Anheuser-Busch announced they are coming out with low-carb beer called "Ultra" which is aimed at the diet-conscious beer drinker. Diet-conscious beer drinker... aren't those more...

At the Doomsday, Karl Marx, the founder of Marxism, was taken directly to hell! After a week or so, God heard loud noise coming from the hell. He asked his private angel to go check the situation over there.
The angel came back to God and told him that Marx convinced all people in the hell that they are equal to those in the heaven. The angel added that people in the hell are on strike and they seemed to plan for a revolution.
God ordered that He doesn`t need any problems over here. He ordered the angel to go take Marx from hell to heaven. The Hell guardian angel was surprised. But anyway, Marx is now in the heaven.
A month passed without any noise or conflicts in the heaven. The Hell guardian felt so curious and went to the Heaven guardian and asked him how Marx was behaving. The Heaven guardian replied that Marx is a very cute, calm and friendly man, he is only eating fruits, drinking all alcoholic stuff they have in the heaven. The following dialogue took place more...

Aristotle:
To actualize its potential.
Roseanne Barr:
Urrrrrp. What chicken?
George Bush:
To face a kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
Julius Caesar:
To come, to see, to conquer.
Candide:
To cultivate its garden.
Bill the Cat:
Oop Ack.
Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
Moses:
Know ye that it is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road, and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for its own preservation.
Joseph Conrad:
Mistah Chicken, he dead.
Howard Cosell:
It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapiens pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador Dali:
The Fish.
Darwin:
It was the logical next step after coming down from the more...

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eight grade through college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot. The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked "Am I my brother's son?" God asked Abraham to sacrifice more...

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell.
Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Rockerfeller, looking bored. "What`s it like in there?" asked Dave. "Well," he replied, "In Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives."
"That`s terrible!!" gasped Dave. "I`m going to check out Communist Hell!" He went over to Communist Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.
"In more...