Marie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again!"
Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm takin' Marie with me..."

Top Ten Things Overheard at the Michael Jackson/Lisa Marie Presley Wedding
10. Family to the left, plastic surgeons to the right.
9. She could've used a little more of his eye-liner.
8. I bet they didn't have to get married.
7. I'll have to ask you to check your snake at the door, La Toya.
6. I'm sorry, I can't find a Brooke Shields on the guest list, ma'am.
5. There's that strange whirring sound again - as if some deceased rock star were spinning in his grave.
4. I got you some his and hers towels. Split 'em up however you like.
3. I'm Mr. Tito Jackson. You mean Dr. Tito Jackson? Yes I am.
2. Ahhh! The ghost of Elvis is eating all the cake - oh, it's just Liz Taylor.
1. I just heard on the weather channel - hell froze over.

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.
"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!"
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss more...

While they were taking up the collection, John leaned forward and said, "Hey, Marie, how about you and me go to dinner next Friday?" "Why Yes, John, that would be nice," said Marie. Well, John couldn't believe his luck. All week long he polished up his car, and on Friday he picked up Marie and took her to dinner, the finest restaurant in Raleigh. When they sat down, John looked over at Marie said, "Hey, Marie, would you like a cocktail before dinner?" "Oh, no, John, "said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was setback a bit, so he didn't say much until after dinner. Then he reached in his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Hey, Marie," said John, "Would you like a smoke?" "Oh, no, John," said Marie. "What would I tell my Sunday School class?" Well, John was feeling pretty low after that, so he just got in his car and was driving Marie home when they passed the more...

Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up? He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute! " Marie snapped."You're just saying that to make me jealous! !!"

Alice's PDP-10
With thanks (and apologies) to Chris Stacy, Alan Wechsler, Noel Chiappa, Larry Allen, and of course Arlo Guthrie, and particularly to Ann Marie Finn who is a kind soul and not at all like the person portrayed herein.-sra 3 May 85
This song is called "Alice's PDP-10". But Alice doesn't own a PDP-10, in fact Alice isn't even in the song. It's just the name of the song. That's why I called this song "Alice's PDP-10".
You see, it all started about two incompatible monitor versions ago, about two months ago on a Tuesday, when my friend and I SUPDUP'd over to MIT-OZ to pick up some hackers to go out for a Chinese dinner. But AI hackers don't live on MIT-OZ, they live on various assorted lispms and such, and seeing as and how they never log in except via the file server, they hadn't gotten around to doing filesystem garbage collection for a long time.
We got over there, saw 600 pages free, 10000 pages in use on a 5 pack PS:, and decided it more...