Maori Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    There are three men a english falla,irish falla and a maori falla. there is a slide next to them, the genie says''ok when u slide down ths u can make a wish. So the english went first and said,''i wish for lots of Chocolate so he landed on a pile of chocolate and grabbed it and took it home with him. Then it was the irish's turn and he said,'' i wish for lots of gold so he landed on a pile of gold and grabbed it and ran home. Then the maori falla went on and he slipped and said,''i wish for OH SHIT!!

    Maori falla " Me miss!?"
    English Teacher, "You! yes you?" "How many seconds are there in one minute?" Whole class puts their hands up. Miss! Miss! I know!
    Maori falla " rrrrrrrr ummmmmmm rrr "60 Miss! 60 seconds in one minute Miss?"
    English Teacher " Well done. Now how many seconds are there in one hour?" Whole class raises hands again.
    Maori falla " errrrrr .... ummmmm .... six!! carry the ...errrrrrr ... put the zero....... errrrrr..... ummmmmmm!!!.....how many seconds!!?...
    English Teacher " Well!?"
    Maori falla " Nearly had it Miss!? ummmmmmm .....hmmmmm.. errrrrrrr ..... Got it Miss!!!! 3600 seconds Miss! 3600 seconds in one hour?"
    English Teacher "Very good, well done. Now i will give you a minute or two to answer this last question just do your best ok!?"
    Maori fallla " Very good Miss?"
    English Teacher " Ok! How many seconds are more...

    Q: why did the Maori cross the road on a motorbike?
    A: to get to the other side.
    Q: why did the pakeha cross the road?
    A: to get his motorbike back!

    English tourists driving through New Zealand countryside when they spot 4 maori falla's struggling with a huge pole against the woolshed.
    Curious they stop, watch and take photo's. Finally one of the tourist's curiosity gets the better of him, so he walks over to them and asks what are they trying to do.
    Maori falla " wadaya mean! what are we doing?"
    Pommy falla " I mean sir! why are you trying to lean that pole against this barn?"
    Maori falla " So we can measure it eh!?"
    Pommy falla somewhat bemused "Err!! pardon me for saying sir! but why couldnt you measure it the pole that is, while it was laying on the ground?"
    Maori falla just as bemused at the question. "man you poms think you know everything eh!!! its because we want to measure the height not the length! Ok!?"

    Maori falla trying to have sex with his girlfriend,
    Maori falla " Ohhhh!!! come on babe we been going together for a month now, Pleeeeeeeeeeese!!!?"
    Girlfriend " I know i want to to but im frighten something might happen! you know what i mean?"
    Maori falla " What if i promise to put only half in, i heard thats safe?"
    Girlfriend " Is that true!"
    Maori falla "Yep! 100 percent?"
    Girlfriend "oohhh!! alright then?"
    Maori falla jumps at his chance minutes later he gets carried away and puts it all in.
    The girlfriend is starting to get into the rythmn too and shouts out "ooooohhh!!! thats lovely, put it all in pleeeeeese!!!"
    Maori falla ..pauses for a sec then answers "Sorry Babe!! a promise is a promise.?"

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