Macintosh Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to change the bulb, one to copyright the method for changing the bulb, and one to call in the lawyers on anyone who infringes on the "look and feel" of the bulb changing method.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the new light bulbs aren't compatible with the old sockets, so he has to buy a complete upgrade or a new light.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None - there's no documentation available, so you have to wait until a third-party supplier comes out with a solution.

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Did you try rebooting with extensions off?

Note: On the Macintosh, types of crashes can sometimes be attributed to not-quite-compatible extensions. One way to find out if one of the extensions is at fault in a more...

IBM: It's Being Mended
IBM: Inmense Ball of Muck
IBM: I Believe in Memorex
IBM: It's Better than Macintosh!
IBM: Idiots Built Me
IBM: Intense Bowel Movement
IBM: Inferior But Marketable?
IBM: I've Been Mislead
IBM: It's Better Manually
IBM: Infinitly Better Macintosh
IBM: Indefinitly Boggled Machine
IBM: I Bought a Mac
IBM: I Blame Microsoft.
IBM: I Bought Macintosh
IBM: I'll Buy Macintosh
IBM: I've Been Moved
IBM: I've Been Mugged
IBM: Incontinent Bowel Movement
IBM: Identical Blue Men
IBM: Idiotic Bit Masher
IBM: Idiots Become Managers
IBM: Incompatible Business Machines
IBM: Incredibly Boring Machine
IBM: Infernal Bloody Monopoly
IBM: Institute of Black Magic
IBM: Internal Beaurocratic Mess
IBM: International Brotherhood of Magicians
IBM: Intolerant of Beards and Mustaches
IBM: It'll Be Messy
IBM: It's Backwards, Man
IBM: Itty Bitty more...

I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation!
Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it-here are some satisfied customers:
"I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one file or directory at a time!"
- Goober McLeod, IBM user for 15 years
"I hated the 'automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back to my autoexec.bat file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus, MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
- Joey Boring, still using a more...

Microsoft vs. GMAt a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal." Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?" And... 1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a more...

Another organically grown entry for rec.humus. Only natural punchlines
are used in my jokes, and no antibiotics now that the infection has gone
down.
Apple Corporation Sues Itself.
[AP] In a move that has industrial analysts scratching their heads,
Apple Computers has filed suit against Apple Computer, Inc. The
company claims that Apple has violated the Look and Feel of their own
machines which has helped to make the company famous.
An Apple Spokesperson stated "This is no joke. If we don't protect our
copyrighted interface, everyone will use it and we could lose the
exclusive right. So it is in our best interests to sue anyone who uses
the Macintosh Look and Feel, including ourselves." The spokesperson
says Apple has retained the prestigious LA law firm of Kukla, Fran and
Ollie to spearhead the lawsuit. Apple's in house lawyers will defend.
Long time Apple observer Ernest Dinklefwat stated that this is a sure
sign more...

MACINTOSH stands for...
Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.

MACINTOSH stands for...Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.