Movement Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60 year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens."
    "Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothing happens."
    "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
    "Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.
    "No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
    "So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"
    "No, I have one every morning at 6:30."
    Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"
    "I don't wake up till 7:00."

    "... Perhaps of even greater significance is the
    continuous and profound distrust of science and technology
    that the environmental movement displays. The environmental
    movement maintains that science and technology cannot be
    relied upon to build a safe atomic power plant, to produce
    a pesticide that is safe, or even bake a loaf of bread that
    is safe, if that loaf of bread contains chemical preservatives.
    When it comes to global warming, however, it turns out that
    there is one area in which the environmental movement
    displays the most breathtaking confidence in the reliability
    of science and technology, an area in which, until recently,
    no one-even the staunchest supporters of science and
    technology-had ever thought to assert very much confidence
    at all. The one thing, the environmental movement holds,
    that science and technology can do so well that we are
    entitled to have unlimited confidence in them, is FORECAST
    THE more...

    I've got one of those wristwatches that is wound by movement. The first page of the instruction leaflet says, "This watch is wound by normal wrist movement. Three minutes of normal wrist movement will wind the watch for about 8 hours."
    That means that an episode of Baywatch should wind it up for, let's say about a week. :-)
    (For those in countries which don't receive Baywatch, it is a US American TV series in which everything from plot to production values is secondary to the breast size of the female characters.)

    Labor Movement: The folks who brought you the weekend.

    Funny Quotes About Women
    Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed Abbey
    In everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed Abbey
    Girls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward Abbey
    Women who love only women may have a good point. - Edward Abbey
    Women: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward Abbey
    The feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward Abbey
    Her figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody Allen
    Woman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose Bierce
    Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - Dumas
    Women! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night more...

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