Katie Jokes / Recent Jokes
The following is a true story. . .
An anonymous girl, lets call her Jen, is a junior in college attending school in Colorado, like all college students, she is wrapped up in the partying and the wildness college life has to offer. Jen being the computer science major that she is does however have a lot of work to do on her computer so when she's not out having a good time, she's working her but off desining computer programs and installing software.
One day, soon after she had broken up with her boyfriend, she was home alone on a friday night for the first time in the three years they had been dating. she was sad alone and depressed, so she decided to make a new homepage. she was playing on the net when she decided to get onto a chat line, being the wild psycho she is she decided to get onto a sex line. So Jen got onto a sex chat line and started playing around on it.
Over the line, she met a guy who identified himself as Jeremy, she started playing more...
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie wentstraight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmotherand comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years oldhaving sex would surely be asking for trouble."Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advancedage, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells wouldstart to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong." She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.
When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."
Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Life & Style magazine reports that, according to a source close to the family, Katie Holmes' parents are extremely unhappy that their daughter is not marrying in a "proper" Catholic ceremony, and may not attend.
Of course if it were a proper Catholic ceremony, God would no doubt be extremely unhappy, as Katie is a fornicating whore who had a baby out of wedlock, and Tom is a suspected sodomite.
One day John came home with an unusual purchase. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.
It was about 5: 30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.' Why are you late? Where have you been?' asked his mum, Katie., Tommy answered,' Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project.' The robot then walked up to Tommy and slapped him.,
'Son,' said John,' this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school.'' We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' said Tommy.' What did you watch?' asked Katie.' The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. Again robot went around to Tommy and slapped him.
With his lips quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said,' I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called' Sex Queen.'' I am ashamed of you son,' said John.' When I was your age, I never lied to my parents' The robot then walked around to John and delivered more...
Teacher asks her class to use the word' contagious'.
Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the measles and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher.
"Anyone else?" Little Irish Shaun jumps up and says in a broad Irish
voice, "Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious"......
Woman's Day reports Katie Holmes has reached her boiling point with Tom Cruise. The Aussie tabloid claims she is tired of his demands to change her clothes and make-up as well as attend Scientology "mommy" classes. A source says, "Katie actually refers to herself as Tom's'Stepford Wife' to her friends."
Tom says Katie can leave anytime she wants.....all she has to do is pick the lock....Knock out the guards....swim across the moat and make her way across the mine fields in front of the compound....i mean house.