Jeff Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    REAL STORY: A Cork Radio Station in Ireland, 96 FM, was running a competition to find contestants who could come up with words that were not found in any English Dictionary, yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense. The prize was a trip to Bali for a week.
    The DJ, Neil, had many callers; the following two, needless to say, stood out:
    DJ: 96FM, what's your name?
    Caller: Hi, me name's Dave.
    DJ: Dave, what is your word?
    Caller: Goan: spelled G-O-A-N, pronounced 'go-an.'
    DJ: We are just checking that (pause) and you are correct, Dave, 'goan' is certainly a word not found in the English Dictionary. Now, for a trip for two to Bali, can you make a sentence using that word and at the same time making logical sense?
    Caller: "Goan fuck yourself!"
    At this point, the DJ cut the caller short and announced that there was no place for that sort of language on a family show.
    After many more unsuccessful calls, the DJ took the more...

    "If you work out side with your shirt off and so does your husband, You might be a Redneck" Jeff Foxworthy.

    Teacher: Jeff, have you been copying Johnny's test again?
    Jeff: Yes, but how did you know?
    Teacher: On question #1, Johnny put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".

    One day when Bill was out for lunch with his friend Jeff, they got into a conversation. Bill said: " I feel really bad about what I did this morning.". "Why?" - asked Jeff. "Well,"- replied Bill - "This morning I went to ask my secretary for to tickets to Pitsburg, but it came out as 'I need two pickets to Titsburg.' and I feel really bad.". "Oh don't feel bad about that." - said Jeff "Last night I took my wife and kids out for dinner... ". "Whats so bad about that?" - asked Bill. "Well... I mean't to ask my wife to pass the salt, but it came out as 'U REWIND MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH!'

    Why Men Always Have Opinions, Even On Subjects They Know Nothing About In the animal kingdom, males
    exhibit what is known as "display behavior" in order to attract females and to ward off rival males.
    They thrust out their chests, ruffle their plummage, and generally try to appear more impressive than
    they really are. On nature shows, this is comic. It appears comic, too, when it shows up among
    humans: the guy in the Camaro with all the gold chains, say, or Vanilla Ice's haircut. It has been
    discovered that display behavior is much more common among humans than had been previously believed.
    Have you ever wondered why:
    Men who have never been west of Kentucky can tell you about the mentality of the Japanese?
    Men who can't pay their credit-card bills have a plan for dealing with the national debt?
    Men who aren't on speaking terms with their families know how to achieve peace in the Middle
    Men who flunked high-school more...

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