"Mistakes" joke
One day when Bill was out for lunch with his friend Jeff, they got into a conversation. Bill said: " I feel really bad about what I did this morning.". "Why?" - asked Jeff. "Well,"- replied Bill - "This morning I went to ask my secretary for to tickets to Pitsburg, but it came out as 'I need two pickets to Titsburg.' and I feel really bad.". "Oh don't feel bad about that." - said Jeff "Last night I took my wife and kids out for dinner... ". "Whats so bad about that?" - asked Bill. "Well... I mean't to ask my wife to pass the salt, but it came out as 'U REWIND MY LIFE YOU STUPID BITCH!'
Person 1: Knock, Knock
Person 2: Who's there?
Person 1: Cows go.
Person 2: Cows go who?
Person 1: No, silly! Cows go moo!
A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Methodist." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. more...
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...
Q:what did god say when the first black person came to heaven?
A:oops I must of burnt one!!
Arnold Schwartzinagor has a long one
Michael J. Fox has a short one
Madonna doesn't have one and
Bill Clinton uses his a lot
What is "it"?
A last name!
Now what were you thinking?