Impossible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet.
So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then,' cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

A little girl had just finished her first more...

Here are some quotes from people in the US during the 1950's.

(1) "I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, its' going to be impossible to buy a weeks groceries for $20."

(2) "Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long when $5000 will only buy a used one."

(3) "If cigarettes keep going up in price, I'm going to quit. A quarter a pack is ridiculous."

(4) "Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging a dime just to mail a letter?"

(5) "The Government is wanting to get its hands on everything. Pretty soon it's going to be impossible to run a family business or farm."

(6) "If they raise the minimum wage to $1, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store."

(7) "When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 50 cents a gallon. Guess we'd be better off more...

An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting.

It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.

A guy from Tyson Foods arranges to visit the Pope. After receiving the papal blessing, he whispers, “Your Eminence, do we have a deal for you. If you change The Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread.... ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken.... ’ we will donate $500 million dollars to the Church. ”
The Pope responds saying, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
“Well, ” says the Tyson man, “we are prepared to donate $1 billion to the Church if you change the Lord's Prayer from ‘give us this day our daily bread.... ’ to ‘give us this day our daily chicken.... ’”
Again, the Pope replies, “That is impossible. The Prayer is the Word of the Lord and it must not be changed. ”
Finally, the Tyson guy says, “This is our last offer. We will donate $5 billion to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer
from ‘give us this day our daily bread... ’ to ‘give us more...

A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)
Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)
Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable! It actually worked.)
The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only person who understood the thing quit.)
All new.
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
No maintenance.
(Impossible to fix)
Low maintenance.
(Nearly impossible to fix)
E-mail me (or fax me) the data.
(I'm too lazy to write it down.)