Housing Jokes / Recent Jokes
Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.
According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the "little people" pay less than the going rate for rent.
Since we have only one "little person" living here it turns out that he won't have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything.
We call it a Stay Free Mini Pad.
:
Silicon Valley Mottos:
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W I N N E R
Where quality is Job One-Point-One
Maurice Herlihy
H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S
''It Compiles. Ship It''
Doug Sheppard
Artificial intelligence-when you just can't get the real thing
Nancy Ott
Sleep is for the weak
Robert Zazueta
I came, I saw, IPO
Andy Halushka
Go Public or Perish
John R. Wodziak
If at first you don't succeed, go for a second round
Rex Hill
Where the world comes to pay more for housing
Dana Spradley
Give me your contract-hired, your poor-before, your not-so-subtle badasses
Kimberly Green
Spinning sand into gold
Sue Clark
Lies, damned lies, and market caps
Alex Strasheim
Silicon Valley: commute, compute, commute
David Kenney
Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the more...
In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the
weather-we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you
just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there),
allow me to offer you:
The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering
***
What They Say What It Means
spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
that's why we're charging $200 above the
going rate
easy access to transportation Particularly in Mountain View and
Sunnyvale, this can mean:
A. in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, c&a above
(e) all of the above
friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality
free utilities That's the only way we can entice people
in this dump.
Would you pay this high rent AND the
water and garbage?
heated pool only when the sun's out
only when there's water in more...
As an investigator for the Fantasy Beings' Fair Housing Commission, Ferdinand Feghoot was assigned to look into complaints that the town of Donnybrook was systematically excluding the fictive.
The Mayor of Donnybrook was indignant.' That's nonsense!' he fumed.' Why, we have several families of Hobbits living here, the principal of our high school is an Elf, and one of our aldermen is an Orc.'
Feghoot shook his head sadly.' That,' he replied,' is only. . . Tolkien integration.'
(By Alan Follett based on a character by Richard Bretner)
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
This week, Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama met with Federal Reserve Chief Ben Bernanke. I wasn’t at the meeting, but I’m pretty sure it went down like this…
Obama: Thank you Mr. Bernanke, for letting me speak with you today.
Bernanke: Actually, you’ve come at the right time- there is an urgent matter we need to discuss!
Obama: The housing crisis? Interest rates? Stagflation? What?
Bernanke: No. I don’t even recognize any of those terms. In fact, I’m pretty sure you made the last one up.
Obama: You mean “stagflation”?
Bernanke: Enough with your Zulu gibberish, heathen! Speak in the Queen’s English, Mustafa- you’re not in Kenya anymore!
Obama: What the hell are you talking about?
Bernanke: Silence!! The mighty Fed Chief is speaking. (Blows on loudly on conch shell) Now Mustafa, I have to talk with you, privately and preferably naked, on pressing matters... You see, for years I’ve more...