Housing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Our Rights: The following was written by State RepresentativeMitchell Kaye from Cobb County, GA We, the sensible people of the United States, inan attempt to help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid anymoreriots, keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and securethe blessings ofdebt-free liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one moretime to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, basically lazy people. We hold these truths to be self-evident: ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything. ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never beoffended. This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone - not just you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion, etc., but theworld is full of more...

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    Silicon Valley Mottos:
    - - - - - - - - - - - -
    W I N N E R
    Where quality is Job One-Point-One
    Maurice Herlihy

    H O N O R A B L E __M E N T I O N S

    ''It Compiles. Ship It''
    Doug Sheppard

    Artificial intelligence-when you just can't get the real thing
    Nancy Ott

    Sleep is for the weak
    Robert Zazueta

    I came, I saw, IPO
    Andy Halushka

    Go Public or Perish
    John R. Wodziak

    If at first you don't succeed, go for a second round
    Rex Hill

    Where the world comes to pay more for housing
    Dana Spradley

    Give me your contract-hired, your poor-before, your not-so-subtle badasses
    Kimberly Green

    Spinning sand into gold
    Sue Clark

    Lies, damned lies, and market caps
    Alex Strasheim

    Silicon Valley: commute, compute, commute
    David Kenney

    Come for the overtaxing work environment, stay for the more...

    A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Authority) loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down.

    After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply (actual letter):

    "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

    The lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

    "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note more...

    We, the sensible of the United States, in an attempt to help everyone get
    along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid any more riots, keep our
    nation safe, promote positive behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free
    liberty to ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try one
    more time to ordain and establish some common sense guidelines for the
    terminally whiny, guilt-ridden delusional, and other liberal, commie, pinko
    bedwetters.
    We hold these truths to be self-evident, that a whole lot of people were
    confused by the Bill of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No
    Rights.
    You do not have the right to a new car, big-screen color TV or any other
    form of wealth.
    More power to you if you can legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
    anything.
    You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is based on
    freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just more...

    Recently, our town received a grant to build housing for midgets.
    According to our demographics, they figured that we should have six midgets living here. They sent enough money so that we could finance the building of homes and let the "little people" pay less than the going rate for rent.
    Since we have only one "little person" living here it turns out that he won't have to pay anything for the only house we built, the subsidy covers everything.
    We call it a Stay Free Mini Pad.

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