Public Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    This is an extract of an National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Army Lieutenant General Reinwald about sponsoring a Boy Scout Troop on his military installation.
    Interviewer: "So, LTG Reinwald, what are you going to do with these young boys on their adventure holiday?"
    LTG Reinwald: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting."
    Interviewer: "Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see why; they'll be properly supervised on the range."
    Interviewer: "Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?"
    LTG Reinwald: "I don't see how; we will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm."
    Interviewer: "But you're equipping them to become violent killers."
    LTG Reinwald: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're more...

    Defendant: "Judge, I want you to appoint me another lawyer."
    Judge: "And why is that?"
    Defendant: "Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case."
    Judge (to Public Defender): "Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?"
    Public Defender: "I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening."

    This wind-up article appeared recently in an American magazine. It was taken seriously by a lot of people...

    MONEY
    The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" - the equivalent of seventeen cents American.

    MAKING FRIENDS
    If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser"- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously tactile, demonstrative people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street.

    CUSTOMS
    Since their Labour government whole heartedly embraced full union with Europe the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two or more...

    In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
    It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
    Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
    In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
    In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
    In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
    In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
    In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
    In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.
    In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
    French Lick Springs, more...

    A competition was recently held to find out the most embarrassing moments in peoples lives. The following are the final four places.
    Fourth Place.
    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of, her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself' right now', she would be punished.
    To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,' If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'.
    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
    Third Place.
    It was the day before my more...

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