"Joke submit" joke

In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the
weather-we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you
just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there),
allow me to offer you:
The Complete Guide to Apartment Ad Deciphering
***
What They Say What It Means
spacious hole in the wall
to anyone living in their car
that's why we're charging $200 above the
going rate
easy access to transportation Particularly in Mountain View and
Sunnyvale, this can mean:
A. in the flight path of Moffet Field
(b) next to the railroad tracks
(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway
(d) a&b, b&c, c&a above
(e) all of the above
friendly staff Doberman pincher mentality
free utilities That's the only way we can entice people
in this dump.
Would you pay this high rent AND the
water and garbage?
heated pool only when the sun's out
only when there's water in it
workout room four walls, some free weights, a machine
or two and a clunky stationary bike
great views reach out and touch your neighbor!
overlooking the garbage dumpster
overlooking the pool
overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment
affordable to:
A. anyone with an income of $100 K
(b) anyone with wealthy parents
(c) anyone who is wealthy
(d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing
"Please fill out our "What?! You didn't fill out the annual
marketing survey." income? We can't show you anything
until you fill that out. You won't?
I'm sorry, but we can't show you anything."
pets welcome kids aren't
we just never got the odor out
AEK All Electricity Kancelled
EEk!
W/D Will be Disgusted
Worried/Depressed people
AC Atrocious Carpeting
WWC Wall to Wall Crap
great rent bargains! located in East Palo Alto
(Complex insurance does not cover bullet
holes in car, self-protection devices,
frequent theft and/or life insurance)
light and airy built as cheap as we could
cold and drafty
secure parking the manager's apartment overlooks the
parking lot
"No one's been robbed on the street."
covered parking
move in bonus! no one else wants it
it hasn't been rented in six months
includes last tenant's stuffed parrot
!!! desperation is directly linked to the
number of "!"s used
rustic classic 60's decor
nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta
earthquake
outhouse is in the back
only one heating vent