Hose Jokes / Recent Jokes

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

A Jamaican fireman came home from work one day and said to his wife: "Y'know sumpin, we have a wonderful new system at de fire station.
Bell 1 rings - we put on our jackets.
Bell 2 rings - we slide down de pole.
Bell 3 rings - we jump on de ingine and we's ready to go.

From now on, when I says' Bell one' I want you to strip naked.
When I says' Bell two' you jump on de bed.
When I says' Bell tree' we's gonna mek love all tru de night."
The next night he came home and shouted:
'Bell One' and she stripped naked.
'Bell Two' and she jumped on the bed.
'Bell Tree' and they started to make love.
After a few minutes the wife yelled out "Bell Four". "What de
hell is' Bell Four'?" he asked. She replied: "Roll out more
hose, mon, you aint nowhere near de fire."

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel while
attending a technical seminar.
The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a
fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He
goes back to bed.
Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a
fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating
the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the
fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.
Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees
the fire and then the fire hose. He exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then
goes back to bed.

What did the mexican fire fighter and his wife call their new twins?
Hose A and Hose B!!!

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace
before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they
say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas
morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor panty hose
hung sadly empty and grew increasingly threadbare.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and a fake
beard and went in search of an inflatable love doll. Of course, they don't sell
those things at Wal-mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If
you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself.
I was there almost three hours saying things like, "What does this do?"
"You're kidding me!" "Who owns that?" "Do you have their phone number?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a more...

Two men walk into their local unemployment office after both being laid-off. The first man approaches the counter and is greeted by a friendly staff member.
"I'd like to collect unemployment payments please" he says."Not a problem sir," the teller asks "What was your last profession?""I made panty hose" he responds."Ok, the staffer says, "your check will be $300. Next!"The first man steps away from the counter eyeing his check. His friend steps up, "I'd like to collect unemployment payments please""Alright sir," the teller asks " and what was your last profession?""Diesel Fitter" he remarks."Right, that's a specialty occupation, your check will be $800"The first man overhears this and jumps in, "Hey! How come I get 300 stinkin' bucks and he gets 800"The teller say professionally "Sir, this man had a special skill""Special Skill my ass! I sew the two more...

As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.
What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.
I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" and "Who would buy that?"
Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was more...