Hose Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.
    The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes.
    "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed.
    "Bell3," and they began to screw.
    After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4."
    "What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband.
    "More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

    A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes."Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed."Bell3," and they began to screw.After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell 4.""What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband."More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

    Cartman, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny noticed that their seamonkey people had evolved and built their own city by adding semen.
    So Stan, Kyle, and Cartman went out to get more semen. When Cartman comes back he has a bucket full of semen.
    "Wow, Fatass, how the fuck did you get so much semen?" asked Stan
    "Oh, i went to the sperm bank and bought all their semen" said Cartman.
    "Oh yeah, there was this one guy, he was so stupid, i got semen from him for free, all i had to do was close my eyes, bend down, and suck it out of a hose!"

    Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
    A. Hose A and Hose B

    An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel.The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.

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