Hose Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you call a woman who can suck golf balls through a hose? Darling.

Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
A. Hose A and Hose B

Q: What were the 2 Mexican FireFighting Brother's names?A: Hose A and Hose B

A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell3," and they began to screw. After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell
4."
"What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband. "More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

From "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 199410. It's hosted by Ed McMahon. 9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups. 8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant frozen vegetables. 7. You're asked to put on a hat and sunglasses and the next thing you know, you're being introduced as Bob Dylan. 6. One word: polkas. 5. Guy sitting next to you brought a glove and has caught three foul balls. 4. "Santana" turns out to be a jolly bearded guy with a sackful of presents. 3. They're playing "May we turn the hose on you, please?" [All night Dave sprayed the crowd which gathers outside for each night's show with a hose.]2. You spot Rush Limbaugh stage-diving. 1. The crowd is chanting, "Tito! Tito! Tito!"

Years ago when I was working at Customer Service for a gardening company, I came across this tale. It is completely true!
A lady came in looking for a soaker hose (a hose that drips water into the soil every few minutes) I helped her find it, but soon, she came back with a complaint.
"What's the problem," I asked.
"It leaks."

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trash can from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed. Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc. extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed. Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, "Ah, a solution exists!" and then goes back to bed.