Heh Jokes / Recent Jokes

ADDICTED INTERNET JUNKIE!!!! 1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!! 2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control. 3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL." 4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ. ..... instead of ICU! 5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes. 6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer... or put it in the bathroom. 7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car. 8. Tech support calls YOU for help. 9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out." 10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza. 11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it. 12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing. 13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said. 14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months more...

There were 3 men walking. 2 of them walked into a bar…the 3rd one ducked….. Get it?

1. Kids, just because I don't care doesn't mean I'm not listening.

2. Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouth and when they bark, they shoot bees at you?

3. Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get.

4. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

5. It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

6. Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh... ooh... yeah... right, Lisa. A wonderful...magical animal.

7. Marge: Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper? Homer: Can't he be both, like the late more...

- You overhear him say on the intercom, "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"
- For the past two hours, you've been going straight up.
- He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 45 feet."
- Co-pilot is sitting on his lap.
- When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"
- At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go find that Mars observer!"
- He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform.
- Over P. A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh."
- As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport.
- Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy."
- He keeps pacing up and down the aisle muttering, "So many gauges, so little time."
- You're halfway to your destination and he's still taxiing.
- Announces on the intercom that "We're now passing over the Grand Canyon or the Panama more...

For my Beloved Graduate Advisor (who just wont let me graduate): -)
Cheers!!

Dracula was killed one day & up he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God.

God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done
going around sucking blood & killing.

"I'll give you a chance to redeem your sins", said God "I'll send
you back to earth, BUT not in a human form. You can only be re incarnated
into any other living things of your choice. So, what would you like
to be?"

Still unrepentant, Dracula said, "OK, I want to become a
LIVING THING WITH WINGS & SUCKS BLOOD, heh.. heh.. heh."

"So be it", said God and He turned Dracula into a VAMPIRE BAT.

So back to earth he went, flying around sucking the blood of animals
until one day when he got killed by a farmer. So up he went again to
meet God, feeling a little bit sheepish.

"I'll more...