Grandpa Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A teenage boy and his grandfather go fishing one day. While fishing, the old man starts talking about how times have changed. The young man picks up on this and starts talking about the various problems and diseases going around.
    Teen says, "Grandpa, they didn't have a whole lot of problems with all these diseases when you were young did they?"
    Grandpa replies, "Nope." Teen says, "Well, what did you guys use for safe sex?" Grandpa replies, "A wedding ring."

    A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
    When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.
    "Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
    "What?" said his grandpa.
    "Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

    A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.
    The kid says, "Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma."
    The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.
    That night, the kid says "Good-
    night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa" The next day the grandpa dies.
    The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, "Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy."
    The father freaks. He's thinking I'm gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.
    At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.
    He says," Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? I've had a really bad day." She says "YOU'VE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!"

    A little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar, the boy says, hey grandpa can i have a puff of that cigar, the grandpa asks, can your dick touch your asshole, and the boy says no grandpa its to short, so the grandpa says then you cant have any of my cigar. Later that day, the boy sees his grandpa drinking a beer. The boy asks hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer? and the grandpa replies, i don't know, can your dick touch your asshole yet? Again the boy replies no grandpa it's still too short, and the grandpa says, Then you can't have any of my beer. The next day, the boy's mom made him some cookies, and the grandpa walks in and says, hey kid can i have one of those cookies? The boy asks him, can your dick touch your asshole? The grandpa gets a big smile on his face, nods, and says why yes, yes it can. The little boy smiles back and says, well grandpa then you can go fuck yourself because you're not getting any of these cookies.

    A grandfather and granddaugher were sitting and talking when the young girl asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did, "the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."

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