"Dick touch your asshole?" joke

A little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar, the boy says, hey grandpa can i have a puff of that cigar, the grandpa asks, can your dick touch your asshole, and the boy says no grandpa its to short, so the grandpa says then you cant have any of my cigar. Later that day, the boy sees his grandpa drinking a beer. The boy asks hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer? and the grandpa replies, i don't know, can your dick touch your asshole yet? Again the boy replies no grandpa it's still too short, and the grandpa says, Then you can't have any of my beer. The next day, the boy's mom made him some cookies, and the grandpa walks in and says, hey kid can i have one of those cookies? The boy asks him, can your dick touch your asshole? The grandpa gets a big smile on his face, nods, and says why yes, yes it can. The little boy smiles back and says, well grandpa then you can go fuck yourself because you're not getting any of these cookies.

Q: What is the similarity between a rubix cube and a dick?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!

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DURING British Raj an English Colonel Commander of an Army Cantt in Madras joined a dinner hosted by the Jawans to celebrate a local festival. The menu was typically Madrasi.
Next morning at breakfast he commented to his wife, "Today I have discovered why the bloody more...

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What did the cyclone say to the coconut tree?
. ... Hold on to your nuts' cos I'm gonna blow you hard!!

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Q. What's the only animal with an asshole in the middle of its back?
A. A police horse.

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