Asshole Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Jimmy came up to his father one day and asked for a car. His father said, "Jimmy once your dick reaches your asshole, you can have a car." Two years later, Jimmy told his dad that his dick was able to reach his asshole. His father turned to him and said, "Well then, Jimmy, go fuck yourself."

    Q. What's a woman's asshole doing during orgasm?

    A. He's out having a beer.

    A little boy sees his grandpa smoking a cigar, the boy says, hey grandpa can i have a puff of that cigar, the grandpa asks, can your dick touch your asshole, and the boy says no grandpa its to short, so the grandpa says then you cant have any of my cigar. Later that day, the boy sees his grandpa drinking a beer. The boy asks hey grandpa, can i have a sip of your beer? and the grandpa replies, i don't know, can your dick touch your asshole yet? Again the boy replies no grandpa it's still too short, and the grandpa says, Then you can't have any of my beer. The next day, the boy's mom made him some cookies, and the grandpa walks in and says, hey kid can i have one of those cookies? The boy asks him, can your dick touch your asshole? The grandpa gets a big smile on his face, nods, and says why yes, yes it can. The little boy smiles back and says, well grandpa then you can go fuck yourself because you're not getting any of these cookies.

    When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don''t take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don''t know.
    I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I''d forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
    I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
    Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn''t believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn''s correct number to call her, I found
    that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.
    After hanging up with her, I decided to call the' 'wrong'' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You''re an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word' 'asshole'' next to it, and put it in my desk more...

    a kid and his grampa were fishing and the grampa lit up a cigarette and the boy said can i have one the grampa said can u touch ur dick to your assholle and the boy said no
    well an hour goes bye and the grampa grabs a beer and the boy says can i have one and the grampa says can you touch your dick to your asshole and the boy says no
    another hour goes by and the boy has some cookies and the grampa says can i have one and the boy says can u touch your dick to your asshole and the grampa says proudly yes i can and and the boy says go fuck yourself these are my cookies

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