Generally Jokes / Recent Jokes

ACURA
Another Crummy, Useless, Rotten Automobile
Asia's Curse Upon Rural America
AMC
All Makes Combined
A Major Cost
A Mutated Car
A Morons Car
Another Major Catastrophe
AUDI
Awfully Unsafe Designs Implemented
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Automobile Under Demonic Influence
Another Ugly Deutsche Invention
Always Undermining Deutsche Intelligence
Automobile Unsafe Designs, Inc.
BMW
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money Waster
Break My Window
Break My Windshield
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monstrous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpieces on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Barely Moving Wreck
Big Money Waste
Big Money. Why?
Big Money Works
Born Moderately Wealthy
Breaks Most Wrenches
Bring More Wrenches
Brings Me Women
Brings More Women
Broken Money Waster
Broke My Wallet
Broken Monstrous Wonder
Bumbling Mechanical more...

A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.10 second fuses only last 7 seconds. Anything you do can get you shot, even doing nothing. Claymores are labeled "This side toward enemy" for a reason. Don't draw fire, it irritates the people around you.Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything.Don't look conspicuous: it draws fire. If it's stupid but works, it really isn't stupid. If the enemy is in range, so are you. If the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is *not* our friend. If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you. If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush. Incoming fire has the right of way.It is generally unadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. Never share a fox hole with anyone braver than more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who is used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.
What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.
Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can more...

Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong.What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash.Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a more...

HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
implications of this change...
For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
severely limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will more...