Eyesight Jokes / Recent Jokes

Wife: (standing in front of mirror) I am fat, old, wrinkled and no longer pretty. Will you still give me a romantic compliment?
Funny Husband: Your eyesight is still excellent!

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy.
"Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?"
"But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
"I forgot."

Four men, well along in years, had played golf as a foursome every Sunday morning, until one of them passed away. The other three asked the club pro if he could find them a compatible gentleman to fill out the foursome again. "No problem," answered the pro.
"But, you have to understand," one of the guys, named George, explained, "that Moe, who died, was like our eyes. We're all getting some cataracts, and have trouble seeing the ball. Moe's eyesight was perfect, and he was our spotter."
The pro promised to see what he could do, and, when the others returned the following Sunday, he introduced them to a truly ancient looking gentleman, named Gary.
"How old are you?" George asked.
"I'm ninety-four," Gary responded.
"Fabulous," said George. "But how's your eyesight?"
At this, Gary blew up. "Don't insult my eyes," he yelled. "I may be old, but I've got 20-20 vision. I have eyes more...

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn’t find his ball once he’d hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted.
Joe said, “But Ted is 80 years old and half senile! ”
His wife replied, “Yes, but his eyesight is incredible. ”
Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, “Do you see it? ”
Ted nodded his head and said, “Boy, that was a beautiful shot! ”
Joe excitedly asked, “Well, where did it land?! ”
Ted said, “Hmmm. I forget. ”

Overheard in a restaurant last night:
An airline pilot with poor eyesight had managed to pass his periodic vision
exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor
used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded
to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that she'd been hoodwinked.
Well, the pilot proved to be nearly blind as a bat. But the doctor could
not contain her curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can
manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the
plane out to the runway?"
"Well," says the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is
follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And
besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years."
"I can understand that," replies the doctor. "But what about the take-off?"
"Again, a more...

Picasso's mistress was losing her eyesight so he took her to an opthomologist in Paris. Upon examination, the doctor reported that nothing could be done and she would soon become blind. Picasso then sought out the best eye doctor in all of France, but got the same prognosis. He even took her to the best doctor in all of Europe, to no avail. He then decided to take her for a trip around the world so that she could see the sights before totally losing eyesight. They were in San Francisco when they saw a sign reading "Sam Smith-Eye Doctor, Free Consultation". Picasso figured that it couldn't do any harm to try this doctor as she was going to be blind anyway. After a thorough examination, Dr. Smith reported that when he did an operation in cases like hers that it would cure her. Picasso agreed to have the operation performed. After the operation and a few weeks of recovery, the doctor removed the bandages, and what do you know, she could see 20/20. Picasso was overjoyed and more...

New research is out that claims playing action video games that involve firing guns can improve your eyesight.

This is good news for video gamers, who avidly engage in another activity which could make them go blind.