Eating Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why is having a wank like eating McDonald's? A: Because it's always exactly the same and afterwards you?. swear you'll never do it again.

One day a family were sitting at dinner eating dear meat. The dad said, " kids, if you can guess what we are eating i will give you 10.00. So the 1st lil girl says, "chicken"
he says,"nope". the second child which is a boy says turkey? he says no. He says i will give you one clue... its something your mom calls me.There was a long pause then the little girl says CHARLIE SPIT THAT OUT YOUR EATING BUTTHOLE!!

I hate some things about this time of year. Not the crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.
You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts... eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick?
I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's? Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave more...

I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced
frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with
their wagging fingers and annual tip on how to get through the holidays
without gaining 10 pounds. You can't pick up a magazine without finding a
list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings,
high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on
vegetable sticks, they say.
Good grief.
Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick? I didn't
think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph. I
have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow
them, you'll be fat and happy. So what if you don't make it to New Year's?
Your pants won't fit anymore, anyway.
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a
holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, more...

It's a sunny morning in a big forest and the Bear family is just waking up. Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks.
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars.
Mommy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch and screams, "For gosh sakes, how many times do we have to go through this crap? I haven't made the porridge yet!"

A man with a banana stuck in his ear and a green bean stuffed up each nostril walks into the doctor's office. The doctor looks at him and asks what he can do for him. "Doctor, I just haven't been feeling well lately." "Well, I can see you are not eating right."

It's a sunny morning in the Big Forest, and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge," he squeaks?
Daddy Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl, and it is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge!," he roars?
Momma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells - "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this?"
"It was 'Momma Bear' who got up first." "It was 'Momma Bear' who woke everybody else in the house up." "It was 'Momma Bear' who made the Coffee." "It was 'Momma Bear' who unloaded the dishwasher from last night, and put everything away." "It was 'Momma Bear' who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper." "It was 'Momma Bear' who set the more...